I know that my greatest strength has always been my ability to listen. It’s only now have I realized that my gentle demeanor and seemingly calm composure has invited a lot of people to open up to me. Whenever they approach me, they are certain that they will either leave me feeling much better than they were before, or they have gained some life-changing advice they are eager to try the very next day. People see me as I really am – an adviser, a close friend, a mentor, a confidant – and I feel elated and humbled that I leave such an impression. I still live up to this moral code, and will continue until my last breath.
But there are days when I’m the one needing to be listened to. More often I’m plagued with life’s deep questions and concerns, those aspects in life that require deep introspection: questions about life and its purpose, servanthood, humanity, and even enlightenment. Sadly, whenever I mention these ideas, I’m always responded with something that “would require less thinking, and more interaction”, like the latest news or the recent gossip and who-did-whats. But this is not always the case, as some people (bless them), like close friends, teachers, and mentors would try to give me answers, if otherwise left dumbfounded by how deep I’ve already asked. Saving these people the embarrassment, I would quickly change the topic to something more lighter and entertaining.
This is the reason why I’m often left to my own devices. Loneliness plagues my head not because I have nobody to talk to, but because my thoughts and questions on life and purpose are often left unanswered. Am I being too introspective? I know that I’m different, but am I that too different? Am I dealing with matters that are too sensitive to be discussed in public, or am I just way too ahead of my years and that I should focus first in preparing for my future while I’m still at my prime?
Until the day I can answer these questions, I’m more than content of gazing up to the night sky, quietly sharing to my Father how I’m trying my best to fulfill this life.